The Talk

 

“Maa… Maaaa! I am making tea. Will you have some now or later?”

Maa sometimes shared a cup of tea with me in the late afternoon. I shouted this question while already holding a vessel under the tap. There was no response. The vessel was filling fast. 

"Maaa"

"..."

"Maaaaa"

"..."

"Mummyyyy"

"..."

I reluctantly shut the tap and left the vessel on the countertop to see what my mother was doing. It was unlike of her to sleep at this hour and especially such a deep sleep which didn't get disturbed with my first call.

I went to look for her and checked the washroom first. Perhaps, she was not able to answer because she was inside. She didn't like answering her name calls while she was in the washroom. Apparently, the ‘whole building’ need not know that she was in the washroom!

Not finding her in the washroom, with peaked interest, I went to her room and there she was!. In a corner, with her back towards me. She had apparently borrowed my headphones and was watching something on her phone. And if I wasn't wrong, she was silently crying.

Urghhh... Not again!

"Maaa", this time I said it loudly and firmly, in my 'mom' voice. Startled, she jumped in her place and quickly turned around. Once she realized it was just me, she started fumbling with the phone and headphones.

"You are watching Baghban again, aren't you", I asked rhetorically.

"Ummm"

"Maa, just how many times are you going to watch that movie? I am sure you have already watched it at least 25 times. And how can you cry every time you watch it. Ohh, let me guess. Someone's children moved away again?"

Maa just nodded with her head down wiping her tears. Maybe those were lingering Baghban tears but looking at her like that, I immediately felt bad for practically scolding her.

"OK. If you are feeling sad, how about we just talk about it?"

"Alright"

"So, Maa tell me. What happened?"

"Look… I am not exactly sad. It's just that... Reema and Naren weren't ready for this. They asked their son to stay here but there was a great opportunity in the US and he was getting a promotion so it became very complicated…

Reema was continuously crying when I visited them."

"But their daughter is still here right? In the same city? Just half an hour away, I guess?"

"But she is married. They can't rely on her."

One look at my face made her rephrase that.

"Not my words. They said they can't rely."

"And why Baghban?"

"Because! Look, I know it's a film. It is supposed to be fiction and not real. But then something like this happens…"

"Are you worried that...you know...this can happen in our family?"

"No I am not”, her response came quickly but then she lingered, “But you never know… Reema and Naren did not see it coming either and I don't want to say it but Amitabh and Hema also..." 

"Maaaa..."

"Alright. Alright. Let it be."

"No, it's ok. Let's talk about Baghban. If we are comparing, let’s do it properly. If we are looking at children, let’s compare the parents also. Achha, tell me this, how many times have you actually waited for Papa at the door with freshly made tea and snacks; let alone every day? Yes, you are a homemaker but you have passionately continued your job and maintained your hobbies at the same time. Let’s not forget that. Of course, you may have compensated with your own health for that at times and we might have something to do with that. But let's leave that discussion for another day. My point is that I have also seen days when you used to come home late and Papa made tea. And the times when he cooked. He handled everything without any qualms when you had to go out of town for work. It’s something that I don’t find relatable at all with Baghban."

"Pch… See, I know that but…"

"Ok then let’s look at the children moving away since we were just talking about it. Remember how you took a strict stance when I got an opportunity to go abroad for 2 years? I was not so sure but you convinced me that I should take up the challenge. And if you are worried that you will be left all alone with nothing to do after your children 'fly away', that's not going to happen. Let’s face it. Both you and Papa are retired yet you are busier than your children. You are so engaged in other activities that you hardly spend quiet days at home."

"OK, OK. Alright. I understand that. What I don’t understand is why you are so worked up about Baghban?"

"Because Maa...”, I sighed. The initial high of adrenaline slowly left my body and my shoulders must have visibly dropped because I could immediately feel Maa’s hand on my shoulder. I continued,

“It’s not only hard on parents. It’s difficult for children too. I see my friends and colleagues struggle with it like you do. And the movie tells & glorifies only one side of the story. It sort of gives validation to parents like Reema aunty and Naren uncle who feel abandoned when the children move away."

"Are you saying that parents shouldn’t feel abandoned when their children leave? Children actually do abandon their old parents, you know? I agree it is a film and they may have not portrayed it correctly, but that story is not that far from the painful reality that surrounds us where children just leave their old parents on the street."

“I agree. But it depends on every family, every situation Maa. I am not saying children don’t abandon their parents but there is a difference between abandoning and moving away. And in today's times, the world's getting closer and children are moving away to grab the opportunities offered to them. No one is at fault here. What a family can do is discuss and decide together how they want to plan it out. Every member is accountable for the wellbeing of their family. But I don't get these selfless responsibilities. Be it responsibilities of parents towards their young kids or kids towards their old parents."

"Fair enough. But you know it's easy to say; it's much more difficult to actually do it. We learn these things while growing up, about how responsibilities work in a family. Every family member has a role to play. How many families actually sit together and discuss future plans, finances, or even feelings?"

"I know Maaa. It's not easy but it's not right either."

With that, my mother let out a loud sigh.

"Don't worry. It will happen. Some day. With more conversations about Baghban", she teased me while squeezing me with her arms around my slumped shoulders.

I snorted before continuing,

"Ya I guess. So, will you have tea now or later?"

"Later I guess. Let me finish the movie first."

"What?? Maa? We just discussed- "

"The movie is quite dramatic and let's face it, funny also at times. After that visit to Reema’s house and this heavy conversation, what I need is entertainment."

"Hah. Ok, I'll go have tea then and maybe join you for the funny parts.”

 

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