Sunday 6 September 2020

Overlooked Series [Parts 2 & 3]


Glass half overlooked




2. A letter


(June 2015)

Dear Charu,

It feels strange to write 'dear' before your name since we hardly know each other. And I have deliberately kept it that way. Because somehow, I feel like it doesn't matter how much we bond. I know that I can never be truly honest with you about how I feel and what I want. Not just about us but about everything. I can't be honest to anyone for that matter. Please don't take it personally. Please don't take any of this personally. And this marriage...

Huh... I can't even say don't take this marriage personally.

I wish I was brave enough. Brave enough to accept myself. Brave enough to say yes to myself. Brave enough to say no to this marriage.

Brave enough to give this letter to you. Brave enough to save you from this quicksand. But how can I? I couldn’t even save myself.

I am not even brave enough to ask for your forgiveness. Don’t worry though. Even if one day, I am brave enough to apologize and you are kind enough to forgive me, I will never forgive myself.

With all of my aching heart,

 

-×-

 

3. Blank


(January 2016)


Charu just stood there. Idle and blank. She was neither devastated nor relieved. The only feeling was...exploited. By her own people. Six months ago, her parents pushed her into this marriage. No, she was not forced. She always wondered, had she said no to their repeated insistence, would they have forced her into the marriage? She didn't want to go in that direction. She never could.

She was born with this curse. Well, it had turned out to be a curse over time. She could easily put herself in others' shoes. She could understand why they did what they did. Once one knows that, there is absolutely no scope for misunderstanding. For a blame-game.  She could comprehend why her parents insisted her. That's how they were raised. Her striving to be free-spirited and independent was more than they could take in. She had not only accepted the marriage proposal but decided to give it a fair chance and accept her partner with all her heart.

But here she was, pranked by her own fate. There was never a fair shot at this. Her in-laws begged her not to disclose the reason behind the separation. There was no remorse in their request. For the first time, while she couldn’t help but victimize herself, she almost pitied her husband. That was a fallen, disregarded leaf that she will pick up some other day. But for now…

For now, she stepped out of that house and left all these thoughts behind.

-×-

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